


Broken. One-shot

by raccodactyl



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Emotional Baggage, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 17:31:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18579232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raccodactyl/pseuds/raccodactyl
Summary: Arthur Morgan x Gender Neutral ReaderRequest:Can you write a gender-neutral fic about Arthur preventing reader from committing suicide and comforting him/her?Summary: Pretty much thatCW: SUICIDE ATTEMPT, HEAVY ANGST. Be safe please





	Broken. One-shot

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in first-person because inner-monologue is real important for this type of event and writing this in my usual style would lead this to be ineffective and clunky so ehh hope it’s alright. It was kind of hard to think of dialogue for Arthur here, ngl so uh yeah I hope it’s alright and if it’s not then that’s on me
> 
> Originally posted on tumblr 17 March

The burn of whiskey resonated in my throat as I tossed the empty bottle to the ground. I looked over the heartlands, taking in the sight, but nothing seemed to click. I was empty, and apart from the warm hum in my chest, I couldn’t feel a god damn thing. I don’t want to feel a god damn thing.

I pushed my thumb along the barrel of my revolver, feeling the cold steel under the pads of my fingers as it sits weighted in my grasp. I finally had a chance to get out, a path to freedom, and I’d be damned if I didn’t take it. The world was changing and I have no place for what lies ahead, a dirty outlaw with a price on his head. There’s nowhere to go but down, and I would rather go out this way than hanged for a crime that only got me a few dollars.

For the first time in countless months, I felt calm. This is how it was meant to be. I’ll be long gone by the time someone finds me, as it should be. No need for a note, if I’m here, people will know why. This life isn’t worth it anymore, there’s nothing to work towards, and I’ve nothing to fall back on.

I took a deep breath and looked out towards the plains once again, only to see a buck casually strutting across the landscape. I looked up towards the sky, “One last joke, huh?”

I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair. There was no time quite like now, best to get it over with before someone tried looking for me.

I raised the revolver to my temple, pulling the hammer back. “Kumbaya,” I whispered if only to myself.

My shaky fingers reached for the trigger but I couldn’t seem to force the final push. Maybe it was the finality of the action really setting in, but it seemed there was no coming back from this point.

I shut my eyes tight and just as my hand began to squeeze, I heard a shot and felt a sharp sense of pain.

But it wasn’t my gun, and it wasn’t a pain in the head but a pain in my hand. My hand was empty, the revolver dropped. I brought my hand down, finding a sharp graze with blood flowing strongly. My ears rang deafeningly hard.

I barely had a second to feel what was going on before a hand was on my back, pulling me back from where I was sitting. I resisted, keeping myself in place and trying to shove the hand away but it pulled me back even more harshly.

The ringing in my ears cleared up enough for me to start to make out what the voice was saying, “Goddammit, Y/N,” they shouted, a mix of anger and panic clear in their voice. “What in the hell got into you. Thank god I found you when I did.”

It was then when the tears began to fall. I curled into myself, crying shamelessly now at the mix of physical and emotional pain that seemed to be brought out by the statement. I could hear knees hitting the ground and the strong arms pulling me close but I thrashed, trying to keep myself away.

“Y/N, it’s me, just look up at me please,” they called desperately.

I forced myself to look up to find a very frantic Arthur kneeling before me and trying to shake me out of my haze, “Arthur,” I cried back weakly.

Something about him being there only made me cry more violently. I rocked back and forth, my body shaking as deep sobs left my mouth. I shrugged off his hands but he continued to push, pulling me into him and trying to restrain me from hurting myself.

“You should’ve let me go,” I shouted, “I don’t want this. Why couldn’t you just let me go.”

He continued to hold me down, not giving me an inch left to move. I had no fight left in me, leaving me to collapse into him, tears still flowing and hand still covered in blood, now smearing over his clean, blue shirt. “God fucking dammit, Arthur,” I sobbed.

Arthur’s hand tangled into my hair and kept my head pressed into his chest, his heart pounding into my ear. One of his legs stayed over my thigh, keeping my legs spread in front of me, his free arm held around my torso. My breathing calmed down after a few long minutes but his grip was still tight. It felt as if I would shatter if he wasn’t holding me together.

He took his hands off of me and took his bandana from around his neck. He took my cut hand and wrapped the cloth around it tightly, bracing my wrist as well. Suddenly I felt sober, even if I wasn’t, things felt all too cold to not be.

He held my wounded hand in both of his, taking it up to face level and pressing his forehead to it, collecting himself with deep breathes. “What’s going on, kid,” he asked, desperation and devastation clear in his tone. “Thank god you’re easy to find.”

With his words, I felt myself wanting to break once again. I bit my lip, my eyes watering but I refused to allow myself to go. “I don’t know,” I shook my head. “I just felt… broken. I feel broken. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“What made you think this was the right thing to do?”

“I don’t know,” I cried, “I’m so fucking sorry.” The tears began to fall once again and he pulled me towards him, his grip looser, but still very much tight.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you,” he whispered. “Please, never think of doing that again. Don’t leave, Y/N, please. Don’t leave me without you.”

We parted after another long embrace, our limbs still tangled together even as we made room. His eyes found mine, swollen and red but the blue still pierced through. “Just promise me, please, that you’ll talk to me. I can’t see another close call, not with you.”

“I promise,” I whispered, nodding my head and holding his hand tight, “A thousand times over. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Exhaustion washed over me, hitting like a ton of bricks. He noticed, helping me stand up, “Let’s get you to bed.”

He whistled for his horse and saddled up before pulling me up behind him. I wrapped my arms around him and he kept his right hand clutched to them as we rode back towards Horseshoe. He gave a slight nod to Charles as we entered, the rest of the gang fast asleep at this hour of the night. He helped me down and carried me to my tent, letting me rest easy under the canvas.

“Can you stay with me please,” I asked weakly, my voice cracking as I reached out for him.

A sad smile came over his face, “Let me grab a blanket.”

He moved through the canvas flaps and was back in less than a minute with his bedroll and a blanket from his tent. He rolled them out next to me before shedding his belt and lying down. He brought his blanket up to his chest and rested his eyes but I still felt off, no matter how tired I was.

“Arthur,” I whispered.

“Hmm?”

“Can I- um, would you mind-”

“Just come here,” he said before turning to his side and pulling me flush against his chest.

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothin’.”

“For more than just this. I owe you everything, I really do.”

“We’re gonna be alright, sweetheart,” he cooed, “Just need you to get some rest right now.”

I relaxed and let my eyes fall closed as he began to hum. Things were far from okay, but they were better. At this very moment, I was finding the closest thing to peace I’d had in a long time. Things were going to get better. For him, I would get better. For him, I’d do anything.


End file.
